We grieve not only for the death of a loved one (including pets) but also for the loss of good health ( due to life changing injuries, cancer diagnoses and life limiting illnesses). We can also grieve the loss of a relationship or an established career.
After a loss, your world seems to have stopped and changed forever. Your perception of life has deepened. The outside world functions as normal, no one seems to notice your pain. You may feel isolated or you may not want to let others see your pain.
People who are affected by the same loss may grieve differently. They may choose to mask it and move on quickly and they may expect you to do the same. However you are experiencing your grief, we all have one need in common: our grief must be witnessed.
Everyone’s grief story and grieving process is unique. It’s impossible to do it wrong because grief has no agenda.
These are the common things my clients have said to me:
“My family is grieving too, I don’t want to upset them more or make it harder for them.”
“I just keep myself very busy, just have to get on with it.”
“People asked me if I have gotten over it, it makes me feel very angry.”
“I can’t help but keep thinking about what more I should have done.”
“I felt so guilty when I laughed the other day.”
“I am so worried that my cancer will come back. I have lost my confidence.”
“When people said at least you have other children, or at least you are still young enough to get pregnant again. I just want to scream.”
“I stopped seeing some friends because I just find talking about pop music, fashion and holidays meaningless.”
“My husband/wife and I didn’t talk about the end of life and funeral, it was too uncomfortable and we don’t want to be sad in front of each other. I now wish we did have that talk. “
You don’t have to grieve in isolation. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.